One thing that has pretty consistently come up since Phiona has arrived here in America has been fear. Fear of both small, everyday things and fear of things that any 11 year old would fear. We have been working through these things, praying that fear would not control her and reading about what the Word says about fear. It is no coinsidence that it has come up multiple times while reading Jesus Calling. Phiona reads it outloud to me and she pauses to sound out the words she does not yet know how to say. She will look over at me at the end of a sentence if she doesn't really understand what she just read and I will then try to explain it in a way that she understands. The sound of her voice reading could put anyone at ease. In the midst of the fear she struggles with, there is a peace that echoes off her voice. Here is an excerrpt of what she so sweetly read to me last night:
"I go before you as well as with you into this day. Nothing surprises Me. I know exactly what will happen--both the good and the bad. Trust in Me and do not be afraid. Stay close to Me, and I will not let you be overwhelmed by anything that happens today. Don't go through today with fear in your heart because of what might or might not happen. I will help you deal with whatever happens--moment by moment. Facing your problems with Me brings blessings that are much bigger than your troubles."
I can not begin to tell you how much my world is changing by just having her in my life. As we were swimming in the lake today with her life jacket on and floating on her noodle(or "horse" as she calls it), I realized just how much she depended on me not to let her go. Although she has everything on that will keep her floating without holding on to me, She kept a tight grip on either my hands, neck or arm at all times for the first half of the day. There is no telling how many times I told her I would not let anything harm her, that she would not drown or that I would not let go. But instead of relaxing and trusting completely in my words, she had to put forth every effort to make sure she had a tight grip. It was in the middle of the lake that the Lord downloaded such a sweet revelation. You see, the same goes for us in our relationship with Him. He promises to not let anything harm us and He tells us He will not leave us or forsake us. But instead of trusting Him completely in that, we fight and fight to just keep our head afloat which in turn leaves us tired and weary. Do I trust Him enough to completely believe He is true to His promises? Sweet Jesus, show me areas in my life that I have not turned over to You.
Thanks to Auntie Amiee's brilliant idea :) tonight we spent time making a calender for her to write important dates on. She wanted to write when all of her aunties and uncles were coming back to America(she loves and misses every single one of you). She absolutely loved this and hopefully this will help her have an idea of what to look forward to. I am so thankful for times like these. She is letting her guard down more and more. Seeing that I want what is best for her even if she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it.
I pray that I take advantage of the time I am getting to spend with this sweet girl. That I do not take for granted the times that she challenges me and the times that we both bust into laughter. It is in the times that she won't look me in the eyes because she is upset that I have told her no and the times that she looks at me like she is clinging to every word that I am saying that the Lord is constantly teaching me that He has prepared me and continuing to equip me for such a time as this.
What a fun ride He has me on... Thank you Father for this opportunity. For this life. For these many blessings.
