Although my excitement is growing by the day, I have a to do list that grows by the minute to take care of before then! Including the Adventure Run 5k that everyone reading this blog needs to be at the coming up weekend (Sunday, September 23rd at 3:30 pm at Hargis)
Just this past week, I was able to sit down and quickly journal a little bit about what has been turning about in my mind in the daily life with Phiona. I just wanted to give you all a small glance of how much this precious child has been teaching me as I am daily realizing she was brought here for more than just physical healing. In fact, I am starting to think the Lord crossed our paths to show me the Father's love for His children and what it looks like to love someone unconditionally. In this journal entry I hope you see how my flesh is still fighting but how His grace and mercy is unfailingly conquering.
September 7, 2012
So many things are running through my mind today. Most of these things consist of Phiona. With conflicting schedules, I have not seen her once this week, so when given the opportunity to be able to go pick her up from school today, I was more than thrilled! I never knew how much I would love this child and how attached I would get to her when she came into my life almost four months ago. She, herself, has changed so much in every aspect of her life. Her physical appearance, her attitude, her personality and her ability to love and be loved. So much has played into this but as I sat down with her Sunday night a took a litle trip down memory lane at all the things we've done since she's been here, looked at all the pictures and videos we've taken over the last 4 months and honestly just slowed down enough to take a moment to see how far she has come and how far she still has to go. Has she had her set backs? you better believe it. But I end up loving her more through them. Have I been fed up, thrown my hands in the air and been a fingertip away from throwing the towel in during a Tuesday afternoon homework session that consisted of coloring and labeling a U.S. map or doing long division? Absolutely. But the Lord has shown me so much grace in it all. He has let me see His sufficiency is enough. And in the midst of an eyerolling temper tantrum, there is still a peace. A peace, because He is in the middle of it all. He simply whispers "Kelly Anne, love her through it." and this reminds me of all the times He has loved me through my mess. There is nothing that brings me more joy than seeing those long Ugandan legs run aroung the street outside, taking a moment to let her teach me how to cook something new, wear a helmet on that sweet, growing my the second, full of hair head and ride a bike in the afternoons or hearing six simple words, "Auntie Kelly Anne, I love you."
And then for a second, I get selfish. I think about what is going to happen when a loving family comes along and I don't get to spend afternoons with her, and I don't get to experience her first Christmas or Thanksgiving with her, and I don't get to celebrate another pound gained and I don't get to offer her a hug, say a quick prayer with her and comfort her when she is upset. And then I get sad. and yes, that is my flesh. My selfish desires to get to walk on this journey with this most incredible little girl who has taught me so much in such a short time.
Tears fall when I think about it, but I cannot allow it to consume me because I know my sweet Father has Phiona's best interest at heart. I know that He is going to walk beside me every step of the way and I know that I will have been stretched during this process.
So I take advantage of the time that I do have with her now. I don't have a timetable for what the next step looks like or when it will come. but, I do know that wherever the Lord places Kampi Phiona next, He is sovereign in His plan for her life and for mine and I am thankful for the now. This way of life as I know it may last another 4 months or it could be just 4 more weeks, but I trust and I pray that the Lord would see me through each day.
It is only by His sweet mercies and grace that I have been allowed so much time with little Phi and for every second, every minute and every day I have been blessed by her little life, I praise my sweet Father for. I know that He has gone before us, and has a path marked out for us to follow. I trust Him in it all. He has gotten us to this place we are at now, and I hold to His promise that says that "He who began a good work will carry it out to the day of completion."
