As I was sitting in a chair in the midst of a group of people I did not know this past Sunday, a rush of nerves followed by a supernatural peace came over me. I stood up, walked to the front of the room and looked into the eyes of a group of people who all have their own unique story to tell, yet have one thing in common with me--We all have the same Father. My hands shook, not out of fear but out of an overwhelming excitement to have this opportunity to share. I truly did not know what words would come out. You see, when I get the opportunity to share my story, what this past year has looked like for me but most importantly get to tell the story of our precious children in Uganda to one more person, my soul leaps. One more person who hears where Sozo began, what this two and a half year journey has looked like and our hopes and dreams for what is to come in the near future, is one more person who gets to see God's grace, mercy and ultimately His beautiful picture of redemption for 68 plus precious lives in Uganda.
"The Lord has done great things for us, and we are glad." Psalm 126:3
As important as it is to share all that the Lord is doing within Sozo, and He always seems to be at work in both the small things and the not so small things, I can honestly say that I think the opportunity to go to speak in this class was more for me than anyone else. Why you ask? After briefly speaking, the typical Sunday morning routine carried on for them.
Topic of study: Jonah.
Jonah in a nut shell is a picture of how fear and pride can result in running from God's direction and calling on our lives. But a "belly of a whale" experience of repentance could lead you directly into the arms of a merciful God resulting in a time of growth with the Lord.
The lesson opened up with the following words:
"I am Jonah.
I want to serve God...
as long as it is convenient.
I desire to do His will...
Until it is a tad uncomfortable.
I want to hear His Word...
as long as its message is one I'm supposed to pass on to someone else.
I don't want to have my plans interrupted.
Oh yes. I am Jonah, and I suspect that in
one way or another, you are too."
(From: Master Work with credit to Priscilla Shirer)
....Think about it...
Oh how uncomfortably familiar those words felt as they echoed through my ears that morning. That is ME. I am Jonah way more often than I am proud to say. And in particular here recently.
"And he said: I called out to the Lord because of my trouble, and He answered me. I cried for help from the place of the dead, and You heard my voice." Jonah 2:2
As the end of the year closes and the new year brings a fresh start, it would be easy to cap my beautiful journey in this mission field off and move into finding a job with office hours, a stable income and benefits. But the Lord is keeping me right here, in the uncomfortable, for a very specific and particular reason. Is what I am doing a dream opportunity? You better believe it. But is it easy? Absolutely not. It's not easy because I do not have control from day to day. It is in my human nature to control every aspect of my life. When things get hard, ideally, I would love to shift to an easier path. Yet everyday when I wake up, I am in a position that forces me to say "Lord, strengthen my faith in You. For I know that You are in ALL things and I trust that You have and will always guide me in any and all situations, both great and small."
Making sense of what God has asked cannot be the prerequisite for choosing obedience.
"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." Psalm 143:8
I present myself vulnerable today and admit more times than not, I have wanted to gracefully bow out. Problems arise within, and His grace trumps over them. I am learning to love, and truly love on days when that is not the first thing on my mind. I am grateful for the wisdom that has been poured into me. That I now am able view the rocky days, the tough times, and the not-so-pleasant people as sandpaper in my life. When you look the word "sandpaper" up in the dictionary, you find this: "Strong paper coated with a layer of sand or other abrasive, used for smoothing or polishing". This idea of sandpaper is ultimately to view these moments as the Lord refining me and teaching me about an area in my own life...or as the Lord smoothing and polishing me. He is a good God. He allows the rough days in order for me to be smoother on the other side. This is humbling.
"The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on to the heights" Habakkuk 3:19
I cling tight to the Lord. Trusting that this season is equipping me for the greatest of days which are ahead of me. I am thankful that as I make mistakes, I am also able to learn from them. And as I grow through life lessons that sometimes feel like a broken record, I am better for them. As I learn, I grow, and the next time I face a problem, I will never look at it the same because I have learned something essential from the last time I looked it in the face. This is what life is about. Learning to be still some moments and learning to take chances other times. But never ceasing to reflect on what the Lord is teaching and discerning what He wants from me each day.
It truly is about learning to daily be obedient to ALL the Lord is asking from me.
And I admit, I am still in the process of truly grasping what this truth is all about.
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:18
