Growing Pains.

So many memories, questions, thoughts, ideas and precious faces have raced through my mind the last couple of weeks. Honestly, too many to number. I've realized I'm at one of those crossroads we come across at times in our lives. It's uncomfortable. One where my heart and everything I grew to love in a new way remains thousands of miles away in the midst of red dirt that covers the ground of Uganda, but I find myself here trying to justify the comforts and pleasures that come with living life in America.  I've wrestled with The Lord over what I want and ultimately what He wants. I want answers. I have a "hurry up" mentality. I see what is right before me. But He has a beautiful plan. His timing is precise. And He sees the bigger picture. 

I've tried to soak in the time I have so sweetly been blessed to spend with The Reeves' family this past week in Colorado as I am surrounded by His indescribably breathtaking design. Truly to be still, take in every ounce of beauty that the eye could possibly withhold as I am convinced that there are not bright, twinkling stars that seem so close you can simply reach up and grab one anywhere else in this world or turn a single corner without being overtaken by the vast mountains covered in pure, white snow. I look out of the window and am reminded that His blood washed my sins away and I have been made as white as the snow that has fallen gently on the sides of these mountains. 

This morning I saw a new mountain off in the distance that I haven't seen yet this week due to snow coming down rapidly or clouds that have covered them, and I pause and let out a gasp. I am taken back that The Lord carefully formed each mountain just as He carefully designed my life and set desires and dreams within me that would ultimately bring Him glory along the way. I pause and I rest. It's a good thing. The Lord is in the midst of this silence. He's teaching me. Am I willing and ready to learn? 

As we travelled up the mountain to reach our destination earlier this week, we were told we would be staying at a very high altitude all week. Along with headaches, restlessness and the feeling of not being hungry that came over a few in our group, Sham faced another challenge that no one else would physically face. While she is in the recovery process with two surgeries under her belt and many more to go, she has 6 expanders that cover her torso. These are filled over time which in turn expand to grow skin that will ultimately be grafted on the parts of her body that were burned. Due to the altitude, the expanders were expanding and stretching her skin at a more rapid pace than she had previously endured. This left her feeling a bit of pain earlier in the week as her body took time to adjust to it. The Lord would reveal to me over the course of the week that I could relate to this process in my own life. Not physically, but emotionally and spiritually. My heart, my spirit, my hunger for His word and my desire to cling tighter to The Lord than ever before has expanded in great ways since I left for Uganda at the beginning of February and even upon returning back to the States. I have been stretched. It has been painful at times. But the same way that the end result for Shamira will be a healed body that is made perfectly whole to the physical eye, the end result of the stretching occurring within my spirit will be worth it all the same. There is beauty that comes when The Lord places us on the Potter's wheel and molds us into His ever so perfect design. Sometimes it takes stepping back from the everyday mundane routines that we find ourselves in that we are honestly able to catch a glimpse of this process that leaves us extremely reliant on the Maker of Heaven and Earth.

With the free time I have had this past week, I've been able to read and really enjoy a few books. One of them encouraged me to stop and think about all that God dreamed of for my life when He created and formed me in His hands. At first this question that was posed was challenging to me. And then I realized I have in fact found what The Lord knitted me to do, and I couldn't be more thankful that He has opened the door for me to carry out this calling. I am beginning to catch small glimpses of the joy that comes when you let go, lay down your life, and live from a bigger heart. I've found my passion and couldn't begin to dream of what life would look like doing anything else. 

 "Everyone has oceans to fly, as long as they have the heart to do it. Is it reckless? Maybe, but what do dreams know of boundaries?" 

--Amelia Earhart

I am thankful for the words Auntie Christine spoke over my tender soul the night I left Uganda as she gave me one last hug and whispered into my ear "may the Lord widen your territory. Be blessed my dear friend" I can remember walking away with fresh, warm tears rolling down my already tear-stained cheeks thinking "Widen your territory? What does this even mean?" It didn't truly settle until I closed my eyes after sinking into my seat on the airplane on the tarmac in Entebbe. As I was praying that The Lord would ease the pain that comes when saying those tough goodbyes and leaving a country filled with so many I had not grown to, but instantly, fell in love with I remember praying that through my journey--His journey--my territory would expand and widen in order for Him to  be glorified all the more. I continue to daily pray that His will be done in my life and through my life.

"Oh that you would bless me and enlarge my territory, and that your hand might be with me, and that you would keep me from harm..." 1 Chronicles 4:10

I pray every nook of this life that I am living continues to expand. May He grant me grace and mercy when the days get tough. When the pain surfaces. For I know that just as God sculpts the most beautiful pearls under the greatest pressure, He too assures that the end result of my life will sure to be as flawless as a pearl as long as I firmly hold tight to His calling He has placed on my life and withstand during the time of expansion and growth.

Lord, have your way. May I walk in fearless obedience, display raw faith and continue to live out the Gospel all the days of my life trusting that You are all that You have said You are.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." John 12:24

As I read earlier this week, death to ourselves, our agendas, our expectations and our hopes is necessary to find the deep joy that comes when we fully relinquish ourselves to the gospel.(Mary DeMuth)

Holy Ground.

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” ---Martin Luther King Jr.

 

As I am writing this, our youngest four are enjoying a nice, big lunch consisting of a bowl full of matoke and g-nut sauce. I downed my plate and am now enjoying their softly spoken lugandan conversations while they eat. I am simply attempting to soak in every moment that remains today. It’s quiet around here. Some have gone into town for the day. Mato and Alex are back and forth between here and market. The rest of the children are at school. I am thankful for the stillness, the quietness that fills the air today, that has allowed me to take time to process and reflect on this last month. A month that has been full of plenty of laughter, an uncontainable amount of joy, new journeys to embark on, moments where all I could do was cling to faith in my sweet Jesus and stillness. All I could dream about and more than I could begin to ask for. Yesterday was spent at one of the secondary schools some of our older children attend. We did our fair share of sweating as we ran around playing basketball while the boys played soccer. It does ones soul good to be able to sit atop the hill and look down at our boys interacting with new friends, all the while doing what they love to do. I began to think about their individual lives before Sozo. I have yet to learn all of their stories, but what I do know is that I simply could not imagine what life would look like if one of them was not on this beautiful journey with us. Each child is unique. They have their own individual and distinct story to tell. The Lord has a mighty plan in store for each one of them too. Each story consists of pain, sorrow and neglect in some way but together it makes up a beautiful picture that spills over with love, grace, mercy, truth and redemption. For we all once were orphans but now we are all the more blessed to sit at the table of our King.

 

The Lord has lavished His love upon me unconditionally over the course of this past month. He has loved me well as He always does. He has provided moments when I simply had to posture myself humbly on my knees before His throne of grace and beg for His mercy to fall over His children. I have learned to pray with urgency and faith completely believing that the things of this world shall soon pass. I have seen the importance of scripture. Realizing that these very words are truly God-breathed. I cling to His promises and speak these same promises over the lives of ones we so dearly love. He has granted us power and authority to stand in the gap and battle for ones we love in the heavenly realms.

 

 

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4

The Word of God has come alive to me while in Uganda. I can truly say that I will not be returning the same person that I left as. My faith has been stretched, areas in my life have been refined and there are still things going on here that my spirit is not settled on just yet. But I leave today. I don’t have all of the answers to all problems. I simply cannot fix the things that I want to fix here before I leave. The Lord is in control.

 

--Marginalized people continuously show up in the stories of Jesus—prostitutes, tax collectors, soldiers, criminals, poor people, sick people, old people, and children. It would be easy to see the mission of Jesus as fixer of what’s broken. That’s understandably what most people feel inclined to do when they encounter chaos in the lives of others—to fix them. But what determines brokenness? Jesus saw people so differently than the world sees them, accepting and loving them where they were and tolerating their weaknesses even as He loved them into more than they could imagine or ask.—Cindy Trimm  Your Journey to Authentic Living

 He is alive and still has our best interest at heart. It’s okay for things to not go as we think they should. I have now reached the moment where I simply release my burdens to the Lord and let His will be done in each situation.

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

I pack up my bags today and prepare to journey back to the other side of the world. To say “see you soon” to so many that I love and pray that in some way I have left some sort of impact on lives here even if it is just a portion of the impact that has been made on me. My heart has expanded as I have met so many new, precious lives this go around and I know that they will remain on my heart each day until I return again. I am thankful for the opportunity to serve here in Uganda and for all that made it possible for me to spend the last month here. I know the Lord will continue to be at work both in my life as I return home and here in the lives of the Sozo family in Uganda. I have been reminded of His hand that has Sozo in a firm grip. He has promised to walk beside us each step of the way and even reminds us over and over that the battle has already been won. We walk in victory each day. What a simple, but sweet reminder.

 

I am ever so confident that we are truly standing on Holy Ground here in Uganda. His presence is surely here. He has legions of angels surrounding each and every one of us.

 

“..take your sandals off your feet, for the place on which you are standing is holy ground.”

Exodus 3:5