Little Moments..

It felt like home as soon as I arrived. It wasn't supposed to though. It was supposed to be a "quick two-week trip to visit the children" and it turned into a two-week journey that has forever marked my life. I celebrated with Daudi as I turned the corner getting off of the plane and gave him a big hug followed by the words "Welcome Home!" For the two months that he was here in the States and daily told me how much he missed home, the kids, the bumpy roads, the slower pace...I thought to myself "is it really that great?!" And before I even hugged the kneck of Aggie, was greeted by joyful shrieks when we pulled into the gate, or even got my visa to enter the country; I realized the answer to that question I had been wanting to ask Daudi was quickly answered with a resounding YES!!

You see, Uganda exceeded every expectaton I had built up in my mind.

I have been with Sozo for over 10 months now. I have watched over a hundred people leave America, come to Uganda, and return back to the States. Some people forever changed, some just another trip. I have seen interns devote an entire summer to serving in Uganda. Some forever changed, some just another summer to them. But for some reason in my mind, I thought I knew exactly how it was going to be. Thought is the correct word here, because everything I thought it would be like was blown out of the water by the end of the first full day.

 

Uganda is simplicity at its finest. and I love that. I long to grasp that mindset. It's how things are supposed to be--simple. We make things difficult and the Lord patiently awaits for us to realize it doesn't have to be.

The processing continues. I remember laying in the bed on one of my last nights in Uganda and telling Laura and Michelle the one thing that I was dreading about going home was being asked what I thought about my time in Uganda or what my favorite part was. My heart is on the verge of explosion to tell the world what these days and nights in Uganda meant to me. but I just dont know how to put it into words. I dont know how to articulate just how special this place is to me or how wonderful these people are. I can't do them justice and so then I hesitate even trying to in fear that you won't understand. But then again, you wouldnt understand until you go. Until you see it for yourself. Until you lavish in the beauty of Uganda. Until you take a deep breath of African air. For me, I thought I knew-but I didn't. I had no idea.

 

 

So what was my favorite moment? It would be impossible to narrow it down to just a single one. That would be doing my time there injustice. It was the little moments. The ones I never dreamed could be so good. so perfect.

 

 

Like meeting Brian for the first time. I've been priviliged with the opportunity to sponsor Brian for the last 6 months. I've seen his beautiful smile, recieved report cards from school, and have heard his story. But it wasn't until I gave him that first hug and kissed the top of his sweet head that I realized just how much I loved him. And the love continued to grow as I spent more time with him. As I watched him goof off with his friends. As I played badmitton with him. As he told me how much he wanted a remote control car for Christmas because he has never had one. As I told him each day to listen in school and learn something new that day. It continues to grow even though we are yet again seperated.

 

Little moments like doing homework in the afternoon with Vivian. She lays down that notebook and we begin with English. We keep a "rubber"(eraser) close by because she's still learning. She still is trying to figure out what a complete sentence looks like. She is still learning what modes of transporation are available. Or how to draw a priest baptising a baby. So we try, and then we "rub" and we try again until we get it just right. And then she flips the page. Luganda time. So then the tables tearn and I begin to learn. We both learn. I'm desperate to learn a new word everyday. They work so hard to improve their english. I must work hard to improve my luganda. My patience grows. It wasn't my "hurry up-get it right-I have no time" self those afternoons. It was where I thrived. Where I loved teaching. What does this mean God? What desires and gifts are you birthing in me? Allow me to be obedient every step of the way.

Little moments like going in to the girls room at night and seeing Sharon's feet dangle off the bed sideways and her whispering something. So as I go closer I see her bible flipped open. She's reading as much as she can before the lights go off. The bible has different colors highlighted throughout all of the pages. The pages are ragged. The front is torn. This is what a bible that is used everyday, multiple times a day looks like. They get it. She gets it. She is fully depending on her Father to get her through that day. And then I walk down to my room and their sits my bible on my bed. It looks like I just bought it yesterday. Where is that utter dependence for the Word in my life? She's mirroring Christ right before my eyes. Teach me Father.

Little moments capture your heart. Sometimes they happen and we soon forget, but sometimes they're not as easily forgotten.

 

 

The moment I saw Henry for the first time is one of those moments. Henry is Phiona's little brother, so for those of you who keep up with me and know my love for this little girl, you can only imagine how absolutely perfect the moment was when I bent down to swoop that little munchkin up as we walked through the gates of Rays of Hope. I knew exactly who he was in the midst of 300 kids running around the moment  I laid my eyes on him. Phiona and I had looked at pictures of him more times than I can count. And now, there he was. Right in front of me.

He had a navy blue fleece jacket on with colorful cars all over it. He was holding his cup and was ready to eat porridge. But first, like a proud mom or something, I whipped out a picture of me and Phiona that was in my bag. He lit up. A smile reckoned his face like a little kid on Christmas morning. It was special. It won't be easily forgotten. He clung tight to that picture. He held it close, then he held it where he could see it and would laugh and then draw it back close again. He looked at it each day that he saw me. He had no idea what kind of connection I had with Phiona, he just knew for a moment that he was able to see his big sister that he misses so much. The one who walked to school with him everyday. The one who defended for him. The one who took care of him more times than we care to know. I now have a very well worn picture that has become a constant reminder of what love looks like when I lay my eyes on it.

I can sit here, look back on my time in Uganda and think of hundreds of little moments that make my heart beat. Belly-laughing ones, gut-wrenching ones, sad ones and ones that can immediately bring a smile from ear to ear. You will continue to hear more of these over the following weeks in hopes to let you in on this journey that has taken a new turn.

When the Lord led me down this journey with Sozo, He made it very clear for me not to cap it with a time frame. This made me very uncomfortable because it would be very easy to have said I am doing this until December and commit 7 months of my life to it and then be done. But then I would be walking away from what I love-from what He has bestowed His blessings upon. But that wasn't His plan and that wasn't His calling. He simply asked that I daily be obedient to this next step in the journey. Only He is all-knowing and knows exactly what my future looks like. It was starting to become a life-style to me. Get up, go to the Sozo office, go home, go to bed and repeat it again the next day. It's all I knew. I knew names of 68 children, 10 names of our Ugandan staff and could tell you the name of where our children go to school. But now, I know the faces of 68 children. I know personalities and laughter and can tell you a story about each and how in some way, shape or form they have impacted my life.

 

 

 

 

I have been to the school to both drop-off and pick-up. I have entered the gates where they are blessed to daily better their education. And I have spent time with the most amazing staff known to man. I have watched them interact with our children, I have watched them daily do what the Lord has uniquely gifted them to do and I have seen love and joy radiate off them in such a way that the only way to describe it is they are walking in direct obedience to the Father.

 

 

 So today, I try to pick back up to the way things "normally" are for me. I will go back to the office for the first time since I have gotten back and I am earnestly praying that the Lord carry me through today because my heart is in Uganda. I fell in love with everything that makes up that wonderful place. But I trust in the Lord's timing. Today He has me here, tomorrow has yet to unfold. I know that I will return again. Not just once, but many more times.

HOUSE 1

HOUSE 2



HOUSE 3



 

To Love and Be Loved.

It has been a while since I last blogged. First of all, I feel like life has not  slowed down long enough for me to be able to sit and blog. I am in the heat of fundraiser events, travelling, and just the every day duties that come with Sozo. People always manage to ask if I remember to breathe each day, and surprisingly enough, I do! Between Sozo and wedding season for friends, I have a little over 3 weeks until I hop on a plane and head to a beautiful country where 69 precious children await, Uganda! Trust me, I cannot wait to meet this growing boy who my family and I get to sponsor monthly for the first time!

Although my excitement is growing by the day, I have a to do list that grows by the minute to take care of before then! Including the Adventure Run 5k that everyone reading this blog needs to be at the coming up weekend (Sunday, September 23rd at 3:30 pm at Hargis)

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Just this past week, I was able to sit down and quickly journal a little bit about what has been turning about in my mind in the daily life with Phiona. I just wanted to give you all a small glance of how much this precious child has been teaching me as I am daily realizing she was brought here for more than just physical healing. In fact, I am starting to think the Lord crossed our paths to show me the Father's love for His children and what it looks like to love someone unconditionally. In this journal entry I hope you see how my flesh is still fighting but how His grace and mercy is unfailingly conquering.


September 7, 2012
So many things are running through my mind today. Most of these things consist of Phiona. With conflicting schedules, I have not seen her once this week, so when given the opportunity to be able to go pick her up from school today, I was more than thrilled! I never knew how much I would love this child and how attached I would get to her when she came into my life almost four months ago. She, herself, has changed so much in every aspect of her life. Her physical appearance, her attitude, her personality and her ability to love and be loved. So much has played into this but as I sat down with her Sunday night a took a litle trip down memory lane at all the things we've done since she's been here, looked at all the pictures and videos we've taken over the last 4 months and honestly just slowed down enough to take a moment to see how far she has come and how far she still has to go. Has she had her set backs? you better believe it. But I end up loving her more through them. Have I been fed up, thrown my hands in the air and been a fingertip away from throwing the towel in during a Tuesday afternoon homework session that consisted of coloring and labeling a U.S. map or doing long division? Absolutely. But the Lord has shown me so much grace in it all. He has let me see His sufficiency is enough. And in the midst of an eyerolling temper tantrum, there is still a peace. A peace, because He is in the middle of it all. He simply whispers "Kelly Anne, love her through it." and this reminds me of all the times He has loved me through my mess. There is nothing that brings me more joy than seeing those long Ugandan legs run aroung the street outside, taking a moment to let her teach me how to cook something new, wear a helmet on that sweet, growing my the second, full of hair head and ride a bike in the afternoons or hearing six simple words, "Auntie Kelly Anne, I love you."
And then for a second, I get selfish. I think about what is going to happen when a loving family comes along and I don't get to spend afternoons with her, and I don't get to experience her first Christmas or Thanksgiving with her, and I don't get to celebrate another pound gained and I don't get to offer her a hug, say a quick prayer with her and comfort her when she is upset. And then I get sad. and yes, that is my flesh. My selfish desires to get to walk on this journey with this most incredible little girl who has taught me so much in such a short time.
Tears fall when I think about it, but I cannot allow it to consume me because I know my sweet Father has Phiona's best interest at heart. I know that He is going to walk beside me every step of the way and I know that I will have been stretched during this process.
So I take advantage of the time that I do have with her now. I don't have a timetable for what the next step looks like or when it will come. but, I do know that wherever the Lord places Kampi Phiona next, He is sovereign in His plan for her life and for mine and I am thankful for the now. This way of life as I know it may last another 4 months or it could be just 4 more weeks, but I trust and I pray that the Lord would see me through each day.
It is only by His sweet mercies and grace that I have been allowed so much time with little Phi and for every second, every minute and every day I have been blessed by her little life, I praise my sweet Father for. I know that He has gone before us, and has a path marked out for us to follow. I trust Him in it all. He has gotten us to this place we are at now, and I hold to His promise that says that "He who began a good work will carry it out to the day of completion."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine. This, like all forms of worry, is rebellion: doubting My promise to care for you. Relax and enjoy My presence, trusting Me to open up the way before you as you go.  (Reference is Psalm 32:8)

"...I fear no evil, for You are with me."

My normal daily routine has been shifted around in this past week. It involves a lot more rice and beans. It has morning cartoons playing in the background. It involves the newest food of liking "ambuggas"(hamburgers). And my favorite part, Jesus Calling for Kids before we go to bed each night. You see, my newest routine has entered my life because we have a precious Ugandan staying with us while Auntie Suzanne is visiting Sozo in Uganda. Phiona came into the picture many, many months ago as we began praying for both her and Shamira to be granted medical visas so that they could come to the States to began medical treatment here locally. But it wasn't until 4 weeks ago that I first met Phiona as she walked through the gates at the airport here in Birmingham. I was extremely excited to get to know her, spend time with her and be able to witness first hand a medical miracle take place right in front of my eyes. Except I never knew how quickly I could fall in love with this little girl, and just how much my faith would have to increase during this medical treatment process. I am more than willing to offer the little faith I have over to God so that He can increase it ten fold. I desire to have so much faith that anything we face in the coming months will not shake me or throw me off course. That I can immediately turn anything over to God and with full confidence say "Lord, I trust you and I know that you will see us all through this." As we are getting closer to the first big appointment for miss priss over here, the Lord has been reminding me of this promise, "He who began a good work will carry it out until the day of completion."
One thing that has pretty consistently come up since Phiona has arrived here in America has been fear. Fear of both small, everyday things and fear of things that any 11 year old would fear. We have been working through these things, praying that fear would not control her and reading about what the Word says about fear. It is no coinsidence that it has come up multiple times while reading Jesus Calling. Phiona reads it outloud to me and she pauses to sound out the words she does not yet know how to say. She will look over at me at the end of a sentence if she doesn't really understand what she just read and I will then try to explain it in a way that she understands. The sound of her voice reading could put anyone at ease. In the midst of the fear she struggles with, there is a peace that echoes off her voice. Here is an excerrpt of what she so sweetly read to me last night:
"I go before you as well as with you into this day. Nothing surprises Me. I know exactly what will happen--both the good and the bad. Trust in Me and do not be afraid. Stay close to Me, and I will not let you be overwhelmed by anything that happens today. Don't go through today with fear in your heart because of what might or might not happen. I will help you deal with whatever happens--moment by moment. Facing your problems with Me brings blessings that are much bigger than your troubles."
I can not begin to tell you how much my world is changing by just having her in my life. As we were swimming in the lake today with her life jacket on and floating on her noodle(or "horse" as she calls it), I realized just how much she depended on me not to let her go. Although she has everything on that will keep her floating without holding on to me, She kept a tight grip on either my hands, neck or arm at all times for the first half of the day. There is no telling how many times I told her I would not let anything harm her, that she would not drown or that I would not let go. But instead of relaxing and trusting completely in my words, she had to put forth every effort to make sure she had a tight grip. It was in the middle of the lake that the Lord downloaded such a sweet revelation. You see, the same goes for us in our relationship with Him. He promises to not let anything harm us and He tells us He will not leave us or forsake us. But instead of trusting Him completely in that, we fight and fight to just keep our head afloat which in turn leaves us tired and weary. Do I trust Him enough to completely believe He is true to His promises? Sweet Jesus, show me areas in my life that I have not turned over to You.
Thanks to Auntie Amiee's brilliant idea :) tonight we spent time making a calender for her to write important dates on. She wanted to write when all of her aunties and uncles were coming back to America(she loves and misses every single one of you). She absolutely loved this and hopefully this will help her have an idea of what to look forward to. I am so thankful for times like these. She is letting her guard down more and more. Seeing that I want what is best for her even if she doesn't get what she wants when she wants it.
I pray that I take advantage of the time I am getting to spend with this sweet girl. That I do not take for granted the times that she challenges me and the times that we both bust into laughter. It is in the times that she won't look me in the eyes because she is upset that I have told her no and the times that she looks at me like she is clinging to every word that I am saying that the Lord is constantly teaching me that He has prepared me and continuing to equip me for such a time as this.
What a fun ride He has me on... Thank you Father for this opportunity. For this life. For these many blessings.

Defining a dream. Claiming a promise.

And so it’s on to the next chapter in life, as some would say. Except in my case, it is nothing short of typical. I cannot begin to tell you how many times I have wrestled with the Lord as I was getting ready to flip the page and begin a new chapter. Funny thing is: He won. I shouldn't be surprised. I already know the end. The story of my life has already been written. What a sweet reminder, our sweet Jesus has so carefully pieced together a beautiful story for each of us. It may be messy. It isn't always easy. It may take longer than expected. And then again, it may be everything we dreamed of and so much more.

My hope is that through this blog, you will be able to catch a glimpse of what the Lord has done, and is still doing in my life. This next step is teaching me more than I could have ever dreamed and stretching me to trust solely is Him alone, but I am loving this season of life.

Do you want to know what the first sentence of this next chapter in my life is?? Are you ready for it?? Here it goes.... "Some may call me crazy, some say it doesn't make sense, and some tell me I'm wasting my time. But my response to this is: Being a missionary is kind of crazy and doesn't always make sense, but one thing is for sure--not one second of my time is being wasted." 

Most of you know, my last semester of college was spent doing my internship for school at a non-profit organization based out of Birmingham, AL called Sozo Children. "Sozo” is a Greek word found numerous times in the New Testament meaning “to save; to nurture; to rescue; both physically and spiritually.” We currently have 3 running orphanages in Kampala, Uganda, partner with a school called Rays of Hope and have on ground contact with missionaries in Costa Rica and Haiti. 

The past five months, I have been in a "peeling season". A season that the Lord has peeled me away from everything I've always known, everything I have come to know as comfort, and every direction I was "supposed" to be heading after graduation from college. Was it comfortable? No. Did I ever question if my next step was the "right one"? Absolutely. But in the midst of it all, I was daily reminded and reassured with a peace that truly does surpass all understanding. I was reminded that Christ is the positive and completely consistent living Word from God while reading 2 Corinthians 1:20 that says "For all of the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us." Christ is the fulfiller and fulfillment of all the promises of God because He is our sum and substance.  

There were moments throughout the semester that I knew without a doubt that Lord was shifting things around in my life. Like when I would sit and look at an excel sheet until my eyes were crossed but still had joy. Or when I was looking for company sponsorship for a fundraiser and was told "no" 84% of the time but still pressed on until I heard a "yes" the remaining 16% of the time. Or when I licked about 500 envelopes to mail out to sponsors and donors that left me with a nasty taste in my mouth and my fair share of paper cuts on my tongue, but did it with an excitement that made me begin to wonder what I had gotten myself into. I can remember laying in bed at night about halfway through the semester and thoughts like these would run through my mind... "What if this is what I was made to do?!" "What if i'm not supposed to settle for a normal job?" "What if my parents think I have gone off the deep end when I tell them I think I have found what I am supposed to do after college?!"... The scary thing is I could shake my head all I wanted to in hopes that these thoughts would pass and that I was just excited in the moment....BUT this is what the Lord designed me and created me for, I'm not supposed to settle for the norm and my parents didn't think I had gone haywire. All of this because the Lord has gone before me and has prepared the hearts of many for what is to come. And I am confident that the Lord is continuously going before me, I need to only step forward in full obedience. 

I am 100% okay with every bit of this life. I have no doubt that the Lord is my provider and I stand with complete faith knowing that provision will overflow abundantly. I love what I do and I consider myself blessed that at the age of 21 I can confidently say I am doing exactly what the Lord has designed me to do. I always thought people were crazy when they used the phrase "when you know, you just know" but I stand here today and say that is not crazy. It is true. I am abundantly thankful. I get up each day knowing that whatever I do that day will bring Him honor and glory and I leave each day with a full heart. 

As for when I will get these two feet to Africa to meet these beautiful babies that I feel like I already know....that will not come until October. I would love nothing more than to hop on a plane tomorrow and kiss those ebony colored faces and hug my Sozo family that I miss so dearly, but for now, my place is here. His timing is perfect and I rest in that. I long to have feet covered in red dirt, sleep under a mosquito net and soak in the beauty of Uganda. But tomorrow when I wake up I will rejoice in the here and now and work at what the Lord has placed before me at this moment in time with all of my heart. 

--A very fun family if I say so myself.--

How could I forget to mention that as these sweet people who I have been allowed the opportunity to work with over the past semester left to go to Africa just a few short weeks ago, the Lord so preciously brought Africa to me. Phiona and Shamira are two beautifully created little girls that are here   to receive medical treatment in the States. Most of my time has been spent with Phiona and I am positive that you will be hearing more about this sweet angel. I cherish the moments that I am getting to spend with her and even trying to pick up a few Lugandan words along the way. The Lord is so good. 

--At the barn with Phiona--

--Phiona riding Titan the horse.--

--Phiona has turned into quite a little fish. She loves to swim!--

I leave you with this from a book I have been reading called "The Circle Maker" that talks about praying circles around your biggest dreams and your greatest fears: "Drawing prayer circles often looks like an exercise in foolishness. But that's faith. Faith is the willingness to look foolish. Noah looked foolish building a boat in the middle of a desert. The Israelite army looked foolish marching around Jericho blowing trumpets. A shepherd boy named David looked foolish charging a giant with a slingshot. The Magi looked foolish tracking a star to Timbuktu. Peter looked foolish getting out of a boat in the middle of the Sea of Galilee. And Jesus looked foolish wearing a crown of thorns. But the results speak for themselves. Noah was saved from a flood; the walls came tumbling down; David defeated Goliath; the Magi discovered the Messiah; Peter walked on water; and Jesus was crowned King of Kings."

Be encouraged today, your next step may look foolish to the world, but is it really just one big leap of faith?! He's got you... GO FOR IT!